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Do the Evolution. Wait… what?

I hope you get the grunge-music reference, but if you don’t, search for the song’s video. It’s a must-watch. 

In any case, l’m here to talk about our reality once more. Lately, I’ve been circling around the idea of what should be and what is; what we want and crave for and how that desire can turn into our biggest nightmare; is it only me or sometimes we all feel like we evolve, but we are only taking steps backwards without even knowing it?

Actual needs vs what we consume

Do you really need that luxury car? That Botox injection? Those trendy brand clothes? No, you don’t. But somehow you want them. Is it because it is advertised with people you would like to look like? Maybe it’s the idea of success -and what it should look like- that is making you work 60+ hours a week. What exactly is it to be really successful? I’ll tell you one thing: success is different for all and each one of us. And the shortest answer I can find is that success means having more happy moments than unhappy ones, consistently. Wether that’s achieved by job recognition, a lovely family, an expensive trip, a massive house, or just being able to enjoy your own company, or meditate every day, or even doing sports on a regular basis, it is your choice. I know someone that says she is happy “as long as she has a good book to read”. And I believe her. Although, that is not true for me. Unfortunately, I feel like I need much more. 

Give it time

Finding what makes you happy doesn’t happen over night. Trust me, everyone is still trying to figure that out. Don’t believe everything you see on social media, please. Do yourself a favor and turn those notifications off. Your former colleague who posts pretty pictures of their latte at a well-known coffee chain is actually going through a very rough divorce. The one in the Caribbean on a beautiful beach took that trip to forget about their past trauma which they can’t deal with right now. We are all trying to take a break from a mental jail we put ourselves into without even realizing it. Nevertheless, you are valid. Their needs and yours are too. We all do (or at least should do) tremendous work with our thoughts and feelings to conquer a stable, relaxed, joyful mindset. Are you there yet? Well… it takes time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 

Approval. From whom?

A long time ago, I had a therapist who told me I needed my boss’ approval so much because I was filling in the blanks from my childhood. Back then, I was putting so many hours every day, I was even working during my lunch hour. Guess what? He was right. So, eventually I had to let go of what other people thought of me and focus on what I thought of myself. Did I like who I saw in the mirror? Why? Why not? What should we do in order to love ourselves in a better, healthier way? Trust your instincts. Transform yourself into who you want to become. Don’t measure your progress or -again- success according to other people’s standards. You need to be proud of yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have. And if you are not then re-evaluate and start over. Who said life is a straight arrow? It is usually a zigzag. And most of the times, you need to go back and forth to analyze things, emotions, thoughts, and even prayers. 

Embrace help

Are you feeling like you can’t cope with work? Or family drama? Or that ex-partner that you thought loved you but has hurt you like no-one before? Loss, bad health, sadness… You name it. In the end, most people struggle to make it to the next day without feeling too bad about the cards dealt on their tables. Ask for help. Talk to your friends, your coworkers, your boss, your partner, your kids, your doctor, your therapist, someone in your congregation, your coach. You are not alone. No one is. Someone in this extremely connected society via websites and apps will listen to you. Brave people go out of their close minds to admit they need to be seen. 

An online world

A few seconds ago, you read me rumbling against the fake lives shown on social. But everything can be turned from dust to gold if you want to. I am connected over the once called “world wide web”, now “the internet”, with people from everywhere in the world. You can do that too. Actually, you already are. That is a great thing that happened from evolution and technology. Include people from different backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, sexual orientations, etc. into your every day interactions. Open your mind. Think positive. Look at the glass half full. You are here, right? Let’s make the best out of it. We only remember this one lifetime, don’t we? Ok… I think I’ll leave you to answer that.