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Resilience. Am I that strong or just unable to say no?

Have you ever felt like you are being a little too resilient? I mean… Nowadays, we are bombarded with concepts such as resilience, positive thinking, the universe’s flow, being able to “let go”, and so many other ones that it seems like we are constantly listening to a psychology podcast. It gets to a point where having human feelings seems wrong. Because you need to step up, and suck it up, and keep at it, and continue trying, and going the extra mile… it’s exhausting! And for what? Somebody else’s approval and a pat on the back “atta boy” type scenario? Let’s rethink these ideas together. We need to feel comfortable in our own skin.

Are you supposed to endure everything?

No, of course not! Unless you want a massive nervous breakdown that will impact your life, affecting everyone you care about, too. Some tasks are not in your job description. Some things you are not supposed to do in life. Why? We don’t have equal backgrounds, trainings, personalities, or desires. Not everyone is born a leader. Along the years, I’ve had many people in my teams asking me to let them stay “behind the scenes” and do more admin type work; where, in other cases, I’ve been asked for the exact opposite. People who wanted to lead, and take responsibilities as their own. There’s no right or wrong here. But if you do not feel comfortable with what your manager is asking from you, you should be able to say it out loud and not be reprimanded for it in the future. 

Happiness. A skill.

It’s actually a feeling. A constant state of joy. Or something like that according to the dictionary. However, I am a firm believer that happiness is more of a skill. You can train yourself to feel grateful every morning when you wake up. You can work towards finding your passion and goals. You can meditate, do sports, go on walks with your dog, hang out with loved ones, and so many other activities to keep you in a good mood most of the time. You should avoid toxicity at all costs. That includes toxic working environments. Bad company culture. Poor management. Bad financial advise. Meaningless relationships. Fake friends. Unsupportive relatives. You should ask your therapist, your career coach, your priest, your rabbi, whoever you find insightful enough how to say NO when you feel stuck with too much pressure on your shoulders. Life is a learning opportunity. We have a chance to start over every day, no matter your age nor your title. But guess what? You can also feel terrible and have a bad mood, and that is OK too. This rollercoaster we are all on is part of the human experience.

Finding balance

As long as you are not hurting anyone, your decisions are yours, and yours alone. I’m only here to give you ideas on how to move forward in this complex world we live in. Not because I know more, but because I work on myself-care and mental health all the time. Hence, I probably already asked myself what you are asking yourself right now. Try to find a balance between having fun and being proactive. Rest as much as you can as long as it doesn’t turn into endless procrastination. Eat something delicious without counting its calories now, and have something healthier in your next meal. Text that person you fancy whenever you want, unless that means having your phone in your hand 24/7. Things taken to the extreme rarely work out. Well… actually, they never do. 

Why Now?

If not now, when? We can’t expect to improve the way we feel -there’s always room for improvement- by thinking those feelings will happen only when I achieve this or that, or X person shows real interest in me, or my boss gives me that promotion, or my kid finishes high school… the list is endless. Unless there is a serious situation affecting us we need to resolve, every moment is right now. On this very moment. Not tomorrow, next week, next year. Stop avoiding making crucial decisions and choose what corner you will turn in this exact path you are walking. If you can’t, remember to breathe. Oxygen is an amazing medicine for a troubled mind. Stop saying yes because you are afraid of saying no and its consequences. In Spanish, my native language, there’s a phrase I often use: “la vida es para los valientes”. Which means “life is for brave people” or something like that. Be brave. And free.